Leave Me (3 minute contest winning version) from Daros Films on Vimeo.
I saw this video and after crying over it, I looked for pictures of me with the kids. I'm rarely in the pictures, always taking them. But I want my three to have pictures of them with their mom, so I'm going to try to be in the pictures more. Even if my hair is a mess.
Tomorrow will be one month since Stephanie's been gone and it feels like just yesterday we were watching the biggest loser together. I miss her so much and every day I think of memories her. Some days are more unbearable than others. Every day I also think of heaven and what it's like up there. I'll be honest and say that I worry about it. I worry that we may not recognize each other in heaven. I hope and pray that we do, but I just wish I knew what it was going to be like. Some of my concerns: What do you talk about all day for eternity? Are you aware of the people that are still alive and in the world? Is there Disneyland in heaven? Are there trees and grass? Do you feel emotions in heaven? I imagine you are happy, but what about other emotions like sorrow? If everyone was happy-go-lucky all the time wouldn't that be odd? I've been going through the Bible trying to find specific answers. But I think my dad said it best when he told me it's about having faith and knowing that heaven is a better place. It doesn't take the hurt and pain of missing Stephanie away, but I'm just going to have to hold on to faith and knowing we will see each other again.
And since it's been awhile since I've posted pictures of the kids. Here are just a few recent ones of Kat, Brody & Quinn:
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9 comments:
Jim and I were JUST having this conversation the other day. I think sometimes it is easier to snap away and harder to get in front of the camera. Good for you!
No tears in Heaven sweetie-no sadness. The love of God will fill us so so abundantly we will forget everything that ever hurt us. Nothing else will matter but being with Him. Hard to imagine or believe but your Dad is right...have faith that one day our lives will know no pain or sorrow.
Luv u girl!
Hang in there girl.
Joanna, I saw a show about death on national geographic last week and it was pretty amazing. At the end there was a man who had surgery and during the surgery he could see himself and the Dr/nurses, etc. At one point he said it looked like the Dr was putting his hands under his armpits and flapping like a chicken. When he awoke from surgery he explained what he saw and to everyone's amazement, he was correct. That Dr would always put his hands under his armpits and point with his elbows during surgery to the nurses so that he kept his hands clean and uncontaminated. There was absolutely no way he would know that because 1. he was under 2. he had his eyes tapes shut and 3. there was a gown between his head and the torso (like a csection). It proves we leave our bodies,at least to me. I wonder the same things about heaven. People who have had near death experiences often refer to heaven as a place of infinate feelings of love. It must be amazing to feel that.
I agree that we need to get in pictures more. I even asked Jason to take some pictures of me nursing Aaron yesterday. Makes us realize even more how priceless photography is. Hang in there sweetie.
I agree Joanna, its so hard for mommies to get on the other side of the camera. I don't have very many pictures of me with the boys either, but Charles is always fussing at me about it (but it seems my hair is never fixed or make up on)I will try to do better too!
As for heaven, I think its hard for us to even try to imagine it! But I do think we will be filled with some much love and awe for God that we won't have time to for sorrow and sadness. I also think we will be spending our time adoring and praising God Almighty that it won't even seem like eternity in the since that we think of it! It can be scary to think of the unknown, but its going to be beautiful and glorious!!!! Rest assured that you will see Stephanie and your mom!!!
I have noticed I am not in many pics either, and have tried to make a point to get some of me in there too. Glad you're showing your pretty face!
I have a lot of the same questions you do about Heaven. I totally agree with your dad though. It all lies in faith. You have to have faith that it is the best place to ever be. I do think we will be reunited with friends and family members who have passed on. I also feel strongly that they help guide us as long as we are open to their guidance. There are so many things that we just don't really know, and the fear of the unknown is so scary. Eventually, answers will come. Little by little.
Also, your babies are getting SO big. And, they are SO cute!
Joanna, I hate knowing how you feel. I have some of the very same questions, especially about emotions felt in heaven. I know my mom is out of pain and everyone tells me and my faith forces me to believe she is happy, but I keep thinking about the sorrow. This may sound strange, but I knew my mom and I know she would be sad not to be around me and the twins. I wonder what she does all day - so many confusing thoughts.
Friends will ask me if how the day was and It's like - how to I verbalize 'well today I didn't stay in bed and cry all day even though it seemed like a good idea....' with out sounding like a completely crazy person.
THe pain of missing your loved one seems to have a way to consume you, I have bright moments though, with memories and photos. I hope you do to.
Your in my constant thoughts and prayers dear friend.
jos
I've been having a rough day....a rough time lately....and was somehow drawn to look for a new post on your blog a few minutes ago. I've been thinking about you so much lately...missing our chats...hurting for you. Thanks for updating....and MAKING ME CRY HARDER when you mentioned DL. lol Your daddy said it....you've got to have faith....we all do. HUGS JOANNA!!
Joanna, I think we all share your concerns at some time in our life. Once, when I was going through something similar to you, a wise friend consoled me by saying that whatever I wanted in Heaven would be there. But, I wouldn't want anything because once we're there our focus is all on Jesus. Somehow, I find that comforting. So rest assured, if you need to find Stephanie in Heaven, she'll be there to welcome you!
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